


Falling (Lead Me Down, Down, Down)

by storms



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety Disorder, Blood, F/M, Minor Injuries, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 15:00:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13977555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storms/pseuds/storms
Summary: I don’t know why flirting is fun for me.The (usual) end goal is to get the other person to like you, right? To get them to take you out, to maybe get them to be your boyfriend or girlfriend and then see where it goes from there. That was the game, and I had played it.So why was I running?





	Falling (Lead Me Down, Down, Down)

**Author's Note:**

> A few things here:
> 
> 1\. Izabelle, aren’t you supposed to be editing WOL? The answer is yes, and I am, but sometimes you gotta just take a break from one project and work on another
> 
> 2\. Izabelle, don’t you already have a character named Adelynn? The answer is yes, but I love the name so much that I thought what the hell
> 
> 3\. Izabelle, why did you write this? The answer is I don’t know and I don’t care. Enjoy!

I don’t know why flirting is fun for me.

The (usual) end goal is to get the other person to like you, right? To get them to take you out, to maybe get them to be your boyfriend or girlfriend and then see where it goes from there. That was the game, and I had played it.

So why was I running?

It was early April when the guys decided to go into town to celebrate finishing a new song. Woody, Will, Kyle, Dan, Charlie and I all climbed into my small car and headed for the closest bar, wanting to start early and stay out late. I volunteered to drive because “this is your guys’ accomplishment, not mine! So drink up and go wild!”. I wouldn’t let them argue as we pulled into the parking lot, telling them that I didn’t want to drink anyway. They all gave up and headed inside.

“Y’know, Adelynn, if you _do_ want to drink—”

“Shut it, Dan,” I warned, pointing a finger at him. “ _You all_ are the ones who spent countless nights in the studio trying to get things together, so you all are going to have drinks. _Capiche_?”

A smile started to creep up his face. The dark lights of the club sent blue through his messy dark hair, making it look more chaotic than usual. He was dressed in that Adidas jacket that he always wore and black pants, sticking out a bit at the club. “Alright, I’ll let you slide on one condition.”

“A condition?” my brows raised in mock disgust. “I don’t know if you’ve realized this, _Daniel_ , but I do things my way.”

“Consider this repayment for walking into your bedroom the other day.” My cheeks flushed red at that. The apartment me and the boys were sharing (courtesy of the record company, saying that a ‘plus one will keep you all out of each other’s hair) had only two bathrooms in it— one had a door in the living room, the other had one that was between two of the bedrooms, which happened to be mine and Dan’s on either end. Dan had fallen asleep early and had woke up with an “ungodly urge to pee” and had walked out the wrong door trying to get back to his room. I was in the middle of changing when he walked in, not having a shirt on yet and ironically throwing it at him to get him to leave. He couldn’t look me in the eye the next morning.

The Dan in front of me now was different from that other shy Dan. He looked confident, though from the way his fingers fidgeted it was all a lie. I shook my head. “To make it up to me, _you_ are setting the condition?”

“That’s right.” I rolled my eyes. This should be good. “I will let you not have a single drink _if_ — and _only if_ — you dance with me.” I raised an eyebrow at him in surprise and, judging by his wide eyes, I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. His confidence was wavering. “I mean, you don’t _have_ to—”

“I know how bad you are on the dance floor, Dan,” I laughed. His mouth fell open in surprise. “I _guess_ I could show you some moves.” I took the bottle out of his hand and set it down on the bar, taking him by the hand and leading us towards the middle of the floor. It was random, cold Tuesday night on the outskirts of London, so there weren’t many people there― just enough for their to be a dance floor. I caught Woody’s eye from next to the DJ booth, rolling my eyes at the thumbs up he gave me. Truthfully, I don’t know where I was getting this confidence from. Maybe it was the club setting, maybe it was from how nervous Dan had been standing in front of me a moment ago. I turned to the singer, letting go of his hand and smiling up at him. He smiled in return, his eyes not meeting mine.

Dan and I had been dancing around each other for a few months now. Both of us were… awkward, to say the least, not sure of ourselves, let alone what we were doing. But knowing that Dan was just as bad as it as I was made me have a boost of confidence every once in a while, something that caught both of us by surprise. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good thing― his face always lit up in a smile, the corner of his eyes crinkling when it happened. That sight in and of itself made me want to do it more, but my anxious thoughts wanted it to stop.

Whenever I was around Dan, I felt a reaction. My heart rate would pick up and I’d get butterflies like a teenager who was having their first crush. But those sensations would increase until I thought my heart was in my throat and I thought I was going to throw up because the anxious thoughts never stopped. _He’s doing it to be nice, he doesn’t really like you, you’re the only girl they’ve seen for months, of course he would flirt with you―_

It was starting to happen now, but I refused to let them take control. Instead I put my arms around his neck, swaying side to side. He followed me, lightly putting his hands on my hips. I smiled again― he was barely touching me. “Have you ever slow danced before?” I asked him, having to shout a bit over the loud music.

“Well, duh,” he scoffed. “I’ve just got two left feet is― sorry!” he exclaimed, having stepped on one of my own feet. He kept trying to apologize as I waved him off, smiling like an idiot the whole time. “Follow my lead, Smith.”

I wasn’t a dancer myself, but I had learned a few things to impress some crushes in uni. Of course that was before I met Dan, and the chance to use the knowledge hadn’t come up until now. Back then he didn’t even go to parties, let alone dance at one. Whenever I was with him, we either watched some old movie or he shoved his face in a journal while I worked on a paper. It was nice, simple.

Not so much the latter anymore.

“Alright, do you know what a dip is?” He nodded. “Follow me, then.” I leaned back slowly, letting his arm across my back hold me as I went down. My head tilted back and I saw Woody now had Kyle standing next to him, the both of them watching us. I gave an exaggerated wink as I leaned back forward. As I did, I realized how close Dan’s face was to mine, his lean frame leaning over mine. His arm was still holding me, the presence of it making me feel trapped in the best way possible. He was looking over my face, my nose, my eyes… my lips. My heart started beating faster, the smile slowly leaving my face. My arms had come to rest on his neck again. It would be so easy pull him closer. He looked like he wanted it. Did he want it?

_He won’t see you the same way._

Dan’s free hand came up to the side of my face, thumb trailing over my temple. How much had he had to drink? Was he thinking clearly?

_You’re the only girl he’s hung around for weeks._

He started to pull away. My heart rose into my throat even more. “Are you okay?” he asked, his blue eyes showing concern. I tried to swallow but it got stuck. _I’ve fucked it up, I’ve fucked it up, I have fucked this up—_

“I’m sorry,” was all I said before I was walking away from him, my skin cold without him being near me. Someone called my name— many people called it, all of them blurring into one as I ran out the club door into the night. I took off my heels and held them in one hand as I sprinted away from I didn’t even know what.

Why was I running?

I rounded a corner from what I guessed was just down the street of the club. I leaned against the wall as I caught my breath, burying a hand in my hair. _I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot—_

I felt like crying. I felt like I needed to keep running. Instead I just stood there in the dark night, looking down at my bare feet that were now starting to get cold. It was a chilly night, I realized, my arms raising in goosebumps. I should go back, get warm, apologize—

_For running away when he was trying to make a move? Yeah, that will look good. I sighed in frustration at my thoughts. Just admit it— you’ve ruined everything._

Some part deep down in me knew that that wasn’t true. I had never told the boys about my anxiety, though Dan had pointed it out a couple of times in uni. I kept a blank face to keep it hidden because it was easier that way. Yet I couldn’t even do that in front of him when he made a move. How pathetic was that?

 _I was their ride home_. I groaned as that thought crossed my mind. I pushed myself off the wall and went towards my car, hoping I could just sit in their while the boys celebrate. _Oh my god, they were celebrating!_ I hit my forehead with my hand. _Guess that’s another thing I’ve ruined tonight._

I unlocked my car and slid into the driver’s seat, throwing my heels in the backseat. I stared at the steering wheel as I slowly shook my head. _Way to go_ , I thought, sighing and putting my bed in my hand. Not even thirty seconds later the passenger side door opened, revealing a smiling Charlie. “Hey.” I gave a weak smile in return. “What’s up?”

“Hangin’ around. Where are the others?”

“Paying the tab. This place sucks.” I looked the other way. Of course they wanted to leave. I ran out of their like my hair was on fire. Why did I have to ruin their night? “We also wanted you to be able to celebrate, too. Kyle’s getting some bottles from here and we’ll have fun back at the apartment.”

Before I could say anything, the back doors were flying open. Kyle and Will slid in, Woody following and closing the door behind him. Charlie slid into the middle seat in the front, leaving only one seat for the man that I had humiliated myself in front of. _Great_.

None of the others were looking at me weird. Had they not seen what had happened? Or did they just not care? Have they ever cared? I laughed at something Kyle had said. All I heard was something about the alcohol he bought to take back with us. I tried to join in the conversation, which worked out pretty well. Charlie kept jabbing his elbow into my ribs each time he made a joke, making me squeal and tell him to quit before he got us in an accident. The whole time I avoided Dan’s eyes, which was easy. Since he was in the passenger’s seat, I couldn’t see him in the rearview mirror, so every time I looked in it to respond to someone else, I didn’t have to worry about seeing him.

We made it back to our small apartment without an incident. I turned the car off and flung the door open, setting my foot on the sidewalk when I remembered that I threw my heels in the backseat. I sucked in a breath as my bare skin touched the cold pavement, pain throbbing through it. Kyle, who was closing the back door next to me, looked down and gasped. “Ade, what happened?” I leaned against the door and picked one of my feet up, eyes widening at the sight of blood. “When did that happen?”

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. Probably when I was running. The others were coming around the car, so I put my foot down and shrugged. “That alcohol’s not gonna drink itself.”

“And those cuts aren’t going to disinfect themselves.” Kyle was waving a finger at me, Will and Woody coming from behind him and looking between us confused. “Come on, I’ll take you upstairs.”

“What’s wrong?” Will asked, looking more confused as Kyle held out his arms for me to be carried in. I stepped back from him and he scoffed. “Adelynn’s feet are bleeding.”

“How did you manage that?” Charlie asked on the other side of me. Looking over at him was a mistake that I regretted immediately, Dan’s eyes boring into mine as I looked at the other man. I shrugged. “I took my heels off and must have stepped on something.”

“Well, standing out here won’t do anything for that,” Kyle said, holding an arm out again. I rolled my eyes, knowing that they wouldn’t let me walk with open wounds on the soles of my feet. I took a step towards him. “Kyle, you can’t carry the bottles and Adelynn at the same time,” Charlie said. “Dan, why don’t you take her up? You and your long legs can get her there the fastest.”

I wanted to point out that that made nearly no sense since the whole way up was stairs, and there was no way Dan was going to go more than one step at a time while carrying me, but the look in Charlie’s eyes stopped me from saying anything. _He knows_. I pursed my lips and looked down at my dirty feet, _the reason I was in this situation in the first place_ , listening to the others rustle around in the car for whatever they had bought back at the bar. A hand came into my view and I looked up to see that it was Dan’s. I couldn’t read his expression, his face carefully blank. _He hates, he hates you, he hates you―_

I took his hand hesitantly and he gripped it lightly. I could feel his eyes on me again but I couldn’t meet his eyes again. We were in a similar position at the bar when I dragged him to the dance floor, a smirk on my lips and mischievousness in my eye. Now here we were, not even two hours later and everything felt different. Dan pulled me closer, turning his back to me and crouching down. I took the hint and put my legs on either side of him, my hands on his shoulder. He straightened and I wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms crossing over his chest. Dan made his way to the building, opening the door and making his way up the stairs.

I was hyper aware of how warm he was, especially since it was so cold outside and my dress did little to keep me warm. Dan’s hands were above my knees, trapping my leg between them and his waist. He didn’t say anything, so neither did I. Purely because if I did open my mouth, I would either start babbling or start crying. _You don’t have the right to cry, you did this to yourself―_

Dan didn’t set me down as he unlocked the door, hooking his arm behind my knee as he pushed it open. He managed to turn the main light on and make his way to the main bathroom, letting me down in front of the bathtub. I sat down on the ledge, gripping it tightly with my hands. I could feel my knuckles turning white. _Say something, don’t say anything, say something―_

Dan pulled the bathroom mirror open, searching around for whatever he was looking for. He pulled a couple of bottles out before shutting it. He opened the cabinet underneath the sink and set the first aid kit on the counter before shutting that and sitting on the toilet. _Say something, don’t say anything―_

“I’m sorry.” I hadn’t realized I said anything until Dan paused. I didn’t look up at him, though. I didn’t want to look at him when he responded. _He’s mad at you, you lost a good friend, way to go, Adelynn―_

“Don’t be.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. Dan turned to me, putting his elbows on his knees and leaning towards me. There was a long moment― minute, hour, who knew― before he spoke again. “Adelynn, I’ve known you for a long time,” he said slowly. “You’re a great friend. But you’re closed off, y’know? And I can respect that. But…”

 _But you fucked up_. I could feel that coming along. I could feel the lump in my throat grow bigger. It wasn’t going to go anywhere. Dan was tapping his fingers on his knee as he thought of what to say next, and I couldn’t breathe as I waited. “But I suspected that there was… more to it. Something you weren’t telling me. I just...never wanted to push.”

 _He knows._ I pressed my lips together to the point that it almost hurt, my teeth threatening to split the skin underneath. Dan was watching me carefully, and I couldn’t cry in front of him, I couldn’t. I knew tears were coming, but I had to keep them back. He would be disgusted if I cried. I would be so ashamed. I watched as he put a gentle hand on my knee, giving it a small squeeze. “Let’s fix you up, yeah?”

I watched as he lifted my leg up by my ankle, gently setting it in his lap. He took a damp washcloth and gently ran it over my foot, wiping away all the dirt and small rocks that had made its way onto it. I watched his gentle hands work, treating me like glass. I felt a tear roll out of my eye and I let it fall on my cheek, feeling it slide off and land on my dress. Another fell, then another, but I continued to stare at what Dan was doing, silently letting it happen.

I didn’t deserve the man in front of me. He was too kind for his own good. I was breaking his heart, but he was too kind to show it. He still cared about me, he still wanted to understand. I knew about Dan’s anxiety, I’ve watched him get super worked up about his music and right before playing shows, but for me, it was different. It hovered over my head no matter what I did, becoming so overwhelming even if I was by myself. On my good days it stayed in the back of my mind like a black hole. On my bad days I couldn’t get out of bed. I didn’t even understand it, really.

_Tell him and he might._

_Or he won’t._

I took a deep breath, trying to not let it shake too much. “Uni was hard,” I said quietly. He paused what he was doing, eyes on his hands. “Moving to England, leaving everything behind. I… I thought I was ready for it. To start fresh, to not have my parents breathing down my neck every five seconds. I― I thought I was ready to be on my own.

“I had had… problems since I was young. I didn’t talk to a lot of people. I had one friend back home, and she only knows how bad I am at talking because she’s been there since first grade. I think she was more nervous than my mom was about me leaving,” I laughed breathlessly. “I thought the change of scenery would do good. Help me realize that I’m not alone. I only went to that big frat party the day before uni started because I wanted to jump right in. And I guess it did me some good, ‘cause I met you there, and look where we are.” I laughed again, less air in it. The corner of Dan’s mouth twitched, though he was still looking at his hand on my ankle. “Your friend teased you until you got so flustered that you spilt your drink on yourself and my shoes.”

“He was teasing me about you.” I looked at his face, but he was taking a wet cotton ball to my cuts. “Said I couldn’t keep my eyes off you.”

“I knew I made a good choice then,” I said. “We hit it off, and the rest is history. But like I said, uni was hard. I only really knew you, and you had your own friends, so I felt lonely sometimes. And I tried to make friends, but…” I shrugged. “I could never get it right. So I stayed in my dorm and wondered why I had moved across the world just to go to school. Like, I could’ve gone to New York like all the other kids in my class did. Looking back, I’m glad I stayed, but… it wasn’t an easy choice.

I took a breath. “We’ve been through a lot together, Dan. We helped each other through break ups, through family issues, through finals week.” He chuckled at that. “I want us to keep this thing a good thing. I don’t… I don’t want anything bad to happen between us.”

Dan looked at me for the second time since we had gotten back, and he looked surprised to see tears running down my cheeks. I probably looked like a mess with my makeup running with it, my dress all wrinkled and who knows what my hair resembled. He took a long, deep breath before extending his hand out. I let go of the bathtub and put my own in it, watching as he took his other one and held mine between his. “You know about my anxiety,” he said slowly. _You know where this is going—_

“No one’s anxiety is the same,” I rushed. “You’ve told me yours is more around people, about your work. Mine, it’s…” I shook my head. “No matter what’s going on around me, good or bad, I feel like it’ll eat me whole.”

“And I know that,” he reassured. “Looking back, I should have realized it. Like that one time we were watching _In Cold Blood—_ ”

“And I broke down in tears over missing my mom’s birthday.” I hadn’t really missed it. My present to her just shipped a little late is all. But I couldn’t stop worrying about it until she texted me, thanking me for it. “Yeah, that was one of the worse ones.”

Dan was biting the inside of his lip, thumb absentmindedly stroking the back of my hand. After a while, he finally reached up and cupped my cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the tear trails on my face. “Do you want to try?” he asked. “To be more than friends?”

I bit my lip. “I… I want to try.”

“Then why don’t we?” I looked into his blue eyes. “If we like it, we can go for it. If not, well, I don’t know about you, Adelynn, but you’ve been stuck with me since day one. Nothing’s gonna change that.” I laughed and he smiled, showing his slightly crooked teeth that I always admired on him. “So, Adelynn, would you like— to try— to be my girlfriend?”

My smile grew bigger. “I would love to, Dan.” His own smile grew wider as he set my leg down by the ankle before pulling me into a hug. He smelt like his cologne and sweat, his jacket familiar under my chin. Dan let me go and say back on the toilet seat, a smile still on his face. “Let’s get you cleaned up before the guys get back in here.”

The others showed up a few minutes later, each of them carrying a couple of bottles. When they saw me and Dan sitting on the couch curled up into one another, they all tried to hide their smirks— well, except Charlie. “About damn time, dude,” he said, clapping Dan on the shoulder. I laughed as the singer’s face turned a nice shade of pink before taking the bottle Kyle offered me. They had gotten enough that everyone had their own, a decision we were all bound to regret in the morning. Charlie raised his bottle. “To the song, and to the lovebirds!”

“To the song!” Dan and I chanted, rolling our eyes as the others continued it. We both looked at each other. “Cheers to us?” I asked, clanking the necks of our bottles together.

“Cheers to us.”


End file.
